Posted in blog, Life, Uncategorized

6 Packs

I get home.
I strip off the man-made bindings and walk around wearing the clothes God gave me.
I look down and wonder if this kangaroo pouch of mine will ever tone up into the lines and form I covet.
Six packs they call it.
I marvel at the width of the waist and hips.
The former the size of a big man’s hands from forefinger to stretched thumb and the latter as wide as his shoulders.
I exaggerate…
I find that I’m comfortable in my own skin.
There are flaws. Quite a few actually.
but I’ve come to love them
And wear them like honour badges.
P.S: What have I learnt? That I am beautiful 6 packs or not. 
Posted in blog, Inspiration, Life

1st Post of 2017

It’s a new year. I’ve set my goals for the year and I’m feeling invigorated about actually hitting my goals. The goals I set for myself this year range from spiritual, mental/Physical health, commercial to purposeful and relationship goals and up until I shared it with my closely knitted niche (whom I will call the Great 3) I didn’t realise that there was nothing about work on my goals.

In one of my regular conversations with myself I casually told me that – “I have created a work plan which is separate from my goals and besides, the goals are about who I am and the work plan is about what I do.” and this was enough at the time. Time being 01/01/2017

Fast forward to 03/01/2017. It’s 5 am and someone is blowing up my phone. I refuse to pick until I get it that the person on the other end is equally as mulish as I am. I pick up and the first thing I hear is “Gen don spoil” Of course I recognise the voice. It’s Thomas, the Handyman at the office. And my year officially starts…

Between getting ready for work and calling various Generator fixers and literally begging them to come early to my office on the 3rd of January when most people were still “holidaying” I started asking myself why exactly there was nothing about work on my 2017 goals. I usually look forward to work but this year was different. I didn’t even change my hair style as I didn’t want to waste 3-5 hours of my precious holiday at the salon. Am I burnt out? Is it because I had just one week to rest? Am I tired of my work? Which part? Do I want out?

I’m taking my time with these questions because I feel that in savouring them, I will figure out the plan for 2018 and maybe 2019. Who knows, maybe something big is about to happen to me. Whatever the case, I’m dealing with these questions and any other that arises gently and slowly until I figure out a roadmap that works.

By the way, I’m a Scrum Master/HR & Admin Manager/ Executive assistant by day. After 5 pm I’m a whole bunch of other contradictions- SAP Consultant, Growth Hacking Enthusiast, Lover, People helper, Skincare addict and Mentor. Yea I’m one of those Multipotentialites. *Shrugs*

Fierce and prickly, I’m a bit difficult to know and understand especially with my eccentric but perfectly sane opinions and principles. I write when I feel like, I love whom I want to, and I generally just want to be a better version of me…

P.S: So what did I actually learn on my first day back at work? That I can’t fix everything. That I can be cool with not being able to fix everything. That I can be tolerant of people who feel I should be able to fix everything.

Posted in blog, Inspiration, Life, Uncategorized

My type

I read about Sarah Kay for the first time on my friends blog  and the piece was The type. It resonated and triggered a response. For a while, I debated with myself on whether to leave it in my draft or post it…

Here goes My type!  Inspired by Sarah Kay’s The type

my type

I’ve always been the type of woman men want to look at,

So I didn’t let them look

I mistook their eyes for hands

So I covered up in loose clothes and a boyish style.

I didn’t know to let them see what a woman looked like.

I didn’t realize that they may not have seen one before.

 

I’ve always been the type of woman men want to touch,

But I refused their touch

I didn’t think it was me they were really reaching for

Maybe a bottle, a meal or another woman.

I just didn’t think they could see ‘me’

So before their hands could find me, I made them my brothers.

And became guardian, muse, friend and mentor.

 

As a woman with skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat

I wasn’t made out of metaphors, excuses or apologies

But I have grown to be a woman men want to hold

Now I know to let them hold me,

Knowing that only a few will want to learn what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around me

And admit that they do not have the answers they thought they would by now.

 

Some men want to hold me- They think I’m the answer

I’m not the answer and I’m not the question.

I am not the prayer either

Nor the joke or punch-line.

Sometimes I want to nibble so I take the role of a snack

But I am definitely not the victim

 

I don’t know if I’m the type men want to love,

But I will let them love me

And I will love them in return

Knowing that I have limbs

And I can walk the rope when the crowds have all gone home.

 

I’m not going to waste my time wondering if I am the type of woman men will hurt,

If he leaves me with a fast beating heart, I will learn to dance to the beat.

I will forgive myself for my decisions If I need to

Because I know that I am the type of woman who is searching for a place to call
mine.

 

The walls can come down

The pots can shatter

I am the place and the sun

I can build it

I will build it.

 

Posted in blog, Letters, Life

My truth

I keep coming back and you keep letting me.
Sometimes I’m so stuck on you. That I can’t eat or sleep.
Usually when I really need something from you.
But then, I drift slowly away after getting it.
And you watch me and let me drift.
Painfully I imagine,
Wondering why your love doesn’t seem to be enough for me
But knowing that I will come back.
You don’t know when but you trust that as self-sufficient as I am
I will return to you.
Cos your love is the only real love there is and you know that I will realize it.
Hopefully not when next I need something from you.

You said to me “Before you were born, I knew you and I loved you. I will always love you.”

I hear you Lord!
I love you too
The thrill of life is seductive and
Sometimes I get ahead of myself.
I take your love and sacrifice for granted.
I’m deeply sorry Lord.
You who has always been there with open arms, always ready to forgive and take me back. 
You who listens to me any and every time.
When I vent, when I hurt, when I muse, when I worry, when I’m happy.
Even when I complain ungratefully, it’s always been you.
And I know I don’t do enough to show you how much your love means to me.
But I love you Lord and I acknowledge you as my Lord and Savior.
You are my truth and my one true love.
Forever and a day more…

Posted in blog, Letters, Life

#1 Letter to the Wordsmith of the North,

Dear U,

I’m writing you this letter because you asked me to write you a letter. I’m not exactly sure of your expectations but here goes.

I find it interesting that you find me interesting. You with your seemingly innocent voice and charm, seeing beauty and love in dark places, freezing memories in time and sometimes rewriting them to suit your wildly vivid imagination.

You asked if I had a crush on you. My answer was No. You thought I was playing at being coy. The truth is that my answer is No. I don’t have a crush on you. (And it’s not because I don’t remember how a crush is supposed to feel)

I have gotten to know you, so I know there’s more to your boyish laughter and charm. I know that you genuinely love God and I suspect He even has a pet name for you. I know that beneath your childish eagerness to see the world and make beautiful memories is a deep need to imprint the world with your legacy. I know that underneath all that sing-song, easy going charm is a calculated and fastidious Man who knows exactly what he wants out of life. (Most times)

I admire your gifts – That raw ability to freeze memories at exactly the right time and put words to the most complicated of human emotions in a way that provokes the understanding of the simplest person.

I am neither coy nor fluid. I don’t know why we met. I do know however that there is something big in front of you. I also know that soon, I will understand why we met. Meanwhile, I’m glad I met you.

Yours Truly,

Chinwendu

P.S feel free to use me as your muse.